Several years ago I saw a photo that really stuck with me. The photo was of a very pregnant woman about to enter L & D, hugging her small child for the last time as an only child. The thought of it still brings me to tears. Pregnancy is physically a rough ride to begin with, but the emotions are what will really get you. I’ve thought of this photo more and more lately, as I’m about to enter this situation, as well.
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Every morning, I hug my daughter a little tighter, afraid that our relationship will change. Day by day, the little things that make her a big girl become more
and more prevalent – increasing vocabulary, use of full sentences, using the potty. I can’t help but call her my baby, even if the only time she doesn’t object and insist that she’s a big girl is when I peek in at her for the last time at night before I go to bed.
Honestly, I think she’ll be great during the transition. She’s truly an amazing kid that rolls with the punches better than most. Definitely better than I do, but this doesn’t mean that I don’t have my concerns about how this will affect her world, development, and well-being.
Here are my main concerns:
She’ll want to help more than she’s able (and end up bored and resentful)
My little girl LOVES babies. She gets super giddy and squeally when she sees a tiny babe. We’ve been reading the big sister books and they all list ways that she can help: feeding the baby, cuddling the baby, diapers. Unfortunately for her, I’ll be exclusively breastfeeding and, well, she’s only two, so I’m super hesitant to let her hold her little brother without both Mom and Dad on either side. (I may also have been a little traumatized by letting other children hold her when she was only a few weeks old, so I doubt I’ll let that happen again — sorry friends and family (please also consider that it’ll be the middle of cold and flu season and also, this is part of my healing too, andI’m not the only one).)
How I hope to ameliorate this:
- Have her fill a bin with books and toys that she thinks baby brother would like. There’ll be lots of floor time in those first few weeks (I loved every second of it with her), and I’m optimistic that rediscovering her old toys and books (and helping read them to him) will help cure some boredom.
- Keep diapers and changing supplies in a couple of locations so I can send her to help get them.
- Create a list of things that she can teach baby: songs, counting, colors, baby signs.
She’ll lose sleep
We have a small house and all of our bedrooms are within a few feet of one another. I’m a little concerned that the new sounds of crying in the middle of the night will rouse her or that the newfound excitement of big sisterhood and the freedom of her new big girl bedroom will keep her from napping.
How I hope to ameliorate this:
- Insist on quiet time for an hour or so mid-afternoon with hopes that it’ll lead to slumber.
- Fingers crossed that between the white noise, fans running, and her sleep depth (we’re all fairly heavy sleepers), we won’t have any problems with mid-night wakings.
She’ll regress in potty training
Baby girl did awesome at potty training! Don’t get me wrong, we still have struggles, but all in all, it’s been pretty breezy compared to some of the stories I’ve heard. I’m hopeful that the first couple of weeks will go okay, but I’m a little concerned that once Daddy returns to work, I’ll be preoccupied with [breastfeeding, diaper changing, anxious dogs] that I’ll miss her cues or be unable to attend to her when she needs me.
How I hope to ameliorate this?
- Baby wearing is an absolute godsend. After I finally conquered the Moby Wrap, it was the most valuable tool in my baby soothing arsenal (excluding my milk makers). Once I anaged to figure out how to put my tiny, floppy newborn inside, I was fully mobile and (mostly) able to cook, clean, and host guests. This time, I’ll be using the time to entertain my toddler.
Me and #1 rockin’ the Moby! - Keep the small potty out and available. While she generally prefers the larger potty with the toddler seat (we have this one and love it), the small one is easier for her to use independently.
- While we didn’t use any rewards with our initial training, I’ll likely try to introduce an incentive or two with new a new potty book or potty toy, praising her good work as I give it to her.
Do you have any survival tips or stories for a soon to be mother of two? I’d love read them in the comments below!
— Funky Crunchy Mama
All kids are different. For me, 1-2 was easier than I thought it would be. My second nursed almost constantly for 4 months so we were mostly stuck at home. Venturing out to the children’s museum, mall play area and Festival Foods tot-spot helped my sanity and gave my oldest child a chance to play w other kids his age (he was 2 yrs, 3months old when baby sis arrived).
Reading to my oldest while baby nursed was huge. Having kids close in age is the best. Involve your first as much as possible. Let her help pick out baby’s outfits, play w him during floor time, (supervised of course), help choose snacks for you and her to share, etc.
Congratulations!!
Thanks, Stacy! She’ll LOVE picking out outfits. Thanks for the tips!